Fair Fight Agreement | Cleaning Your Relationship | Audit Your Arguments
For the next ten days, audit your arguing style. Observe how you are currently fighting, how you have fought in the past without fixing anything. Document how you argue, how you resolve your arguments what what you are arguing over.
For today, define your conflict style for various situations in your relationship:
Competing
This is the "I win, you lose" approach. It is high on assertiveness and low on cooperativeness. This style tends to breed resentment and damage a long term relationship. Works well in emergencies or when an unpopular topic is being argued.
Accommodating
With this style, you prioritize the other person's concerns over your own to maintain harmony. People use this style when the issue matters more to the other person. The risks is that your own needs may be ignored.
Avoiding
This is the "No winner, no loser" style. You sidestep the conflict entirely, neither pursuing your own goals nor helping the other person with theirs. With this style, problems often fester and grow larger when they aren't addressed.
Collaborating
This is the "I win, you win" style. It requires high assertiveness and high cooperation. Both parties work together to find a creative solution that fully satisfies everyone's concerns. This style requires a lot of time, energy, and trust from both sides.
Compromising
This is the "We both win a little, we both lose a little" middle ground. It’s the "split the difference" approach where both sides give up something to reach a quick agreement. It can result in neither party being happy, just equally dissatisfied.
