Email Apology for Hurting Someone's Feelings | Lent Prep | Easter Prep

 Today, a few more words to use when you hurt someone's feelings.

When you’ve hurt a friend’s feelings the focus is restoring emotional safety and trust. The most effective approach involves combing a sincere acknowledgment of the friendship and a commitment to the relationship.

Here are several acceptable forms of offering an apology without starting an argument:

The most immediate form of restitution is a sincere apology that focuses entirely on your actions and their impact, rather than your intentions.

Simple Apology

Validating their feelings. "I know what I said hurt you. I said it while angry / tired and reacting.  Please accept my apology.

Active Listening Apology

An apology often requires giving the friend the floor.  Let your friend know that you are going to sit down and actively listen to their feelings. By actively listening to them describe how they were affected and then paraphrasing their words to demonstrate that you heard and understand how they feel,  you are offering them respect that was lost.

Changed Behavior Apology

For many, this requires actively working on their relationship, life which may require assistance and an audit of their behaviours. 

For example,  if you were late to an important event like your wedding because you were with your friends and they kidnapped you, then the next time you have an important event like the birth of a baby, you are not allowed to see your friends until after the baby is in the car seat.

Symbolic Gestures

Sometimes, bringing a coffee, giving them stationary or doing a chore for them helps signal that the person is apologizing and would like to apologize without starting an argument.

Re-establishing Safety

If the hurt involved a breach of trust, the apology involves being transparent. Help the friend feel secure in the relationship.

Email Template to Start a Conversation

Subject: This is the Start of an Apology to you.

Hi [Friend's Name],

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I realize that my actions and words were hurtful. I value our friendship and feel terrible that I damaged our friendship.

I like the chance to begin rebuilding our relationship from wherever it is now.  When you’re ready, I would like to email me your perspective and then sit down and actively listen to your feelings. I think I know where I failed our relationship and I want to improve my behaviour moving forward.

There is no time limit to this beginning. I’m here whenever you’re ready for talking.

Best,

[Your Name]