Finding A Safe Change in Topic or Exit from a Topic | lent Prep | Easter Prep
Creating a safe space when having a conversation is about setting your conversational boundaries and moving to a neutral topic. Here is how to create a neutral conversational space:
The Neutral Ground Transition
If you are stuck in the same physical space and are unable to physically move away, you may need a conversational buffer which signals that the prior topic is over and you are moving to a safe, non-controversial topic.
The Pivot: "[PAUSE of five seconds ] we clearly have different perspectives on that. Changing gears, do you know if there’s a good coffee shop or grocery store nearby?"
The Environment: Comment on something external. "I think it's going to rain later today, have you heard what the weather is going to be?"
2. The "Time-Out" (Internal Safe Space)
If the other person is still simmering, your safe space is silence. You do not owe a stranger an ongoing dialogue and you are not obligated to chat.
The Phrase: "I think I need more coffee and to wake up before talking about this. I'm going to take a break. Would you like a cup of coffee?"
The Action: Look at your phone, or open a book. " I'm going to answer some emails now or I want to finish this book, ok?" This creates a functional wall that protects your peace of mind without closing off the person in the shared space.
3. The "Validation" Exit
Sometimes, people get angry because they feel unheard. You can create a safe space by acknowledging their right to an opinion without agreeing with the content.
The Phrase: "I see you feel strongly about this. I don't have the energy for an intellectual conversation right now. Do you have some links I can read about the topic?"
Characteristics of a Safe Discussion Space
If you are having a talk with someone you know use the following rules to create a safe space:
No "You" Statements: Use "I" statements if you want to make the conversation personal.
The Right to Pause: Either person can signal their need to cool down by walking away to do an errand. Do not pace in a shared space. Say, "I need to check the weather to see if I'm dressed for the day."
Zero Judgment: The focus is on moving forward from the awkward conversation not winning or proving a point.
A Note on Physical Safety
A safe space is also about your physical exit. If a stranger is raising their voice or invading your personal space:
- Don't justify: You don't need a "good" reason to leave.
- Short sentences: "I'm done with this conversation. I'm not wanting to argue so early in the morning. I'm not up for this kind of conversation."
- Create distance: Move to a more crowded area or near security who can act as a buffer.
- Text a Friend to assist if you are worried about your physical self.
